Guest blog by Inari
Some women wish for more intense sexual pleasure. They suspect that a volcano of sensual fire and physical ecstasy is slumbering inside them. And they wonder how they can get to know their pleasure potential and physical self-love better. In our culture we are surrounded by many sexual stimuli. At the same time we learn little about orgastic and whole-body ecstatic expression.
“The yoni of every woman is always unique and beautiful. She wants to be seen, respected and honored. She brings life. The recognition of this very special beauty of our femininity makes us self-confident and dignified. If we embrace ourselves in this way, we can live our womanhood to the fullest.” Inari H. Hanel
The methods from the body-oriented sexual coaching invite you to become more familiar with your body, its lust and sensuality and thus experience more joy in your own sexuality. Physical-sexual self-love plays an essential role in this process. Self-gratification or “enjoying oneself” can be a source of sensuality and joy of life at any age. Furthermore, it is also the basis for a fulfilled sexual life for two.
Get to Know Your Yoni
In Sanskrit the term yoni is used for the female intimate area. How familiar are you with your yoni? As a child we were hardly encouraged to touch and explore our vulva. So it is often undiscovered territory even in adulthood. This can be changed by regularly looking and touching yourself in front of a hand mirror. Make yourself as comfortable as possible and make sure that you are not disturbed. Allow yourself to look at your vulva with love.
Start by gently rubbing cream into it. Gently and sensitively touch every area and wrinkle and watch yourself in the mirror. Consciously perceive the play of red tones – soft pink, strong raspberry red, dark magenta. Feel how each area feels different. Allow yourself to continue to coddle yourself if the cream arouses you. The primary goal is to refine your ability to perceive and feel. The reward of the exercise is that you get to know this area of your body better. You feel more clearly which touch you like and how you would like to be touched. The more often you look at your vulva, the more familiar it becomes. You experience it as a place of sensual femininity.
Do this exercise daily for at least 28 days. In this way the nerve connection eye-hand-yoni-brain will interconnect better. The map of your vulva is created in your brain and during sex you feel what is good for you faster and more precisely.
Which cream is suitable?
Use a neutral cream that is comfortable for you. You can also make your own yoni cream. On this page you will find the recipe for this (German).
The Pelvic Swing
Breath, movement and voice are the keys to more life energy and therefore also to more sexual energy. Bioenergetics and other methods of modern bodywork use these keys. A central role is played by the pelvic swing.
This physical exercise imitates the movement that precedes orgasm when the body is highly aroused. The pelvic swing teaches us to harmonise arousal, tension and relaxation with the movements of the pelvis and breathing. In doing so, we come into contact with bodily sensations and feelings and are able to allow them to happen.
Then the orgasm is no longer “made” but allowed to happen. Such orgasms are not limited to the genital area. They are a whole-body feeling of pleasure, which also nourishes our soul. We feel strengthened and fulfilled afterwards. In order to fully enjoy the experience with the pelvic swing, regular physical training over a longer period of time is necessary. While mental learning takes place through mental penetration, this somatic learning requires repeated practice and training – similar to learning to play a musical instrument or practice a sport.
If we are somewhat familiar with the pelvic swing, it can be combined with self-contact. We can also vary the position – from the supine or prone position, kneeling or standing, to the four-footed position. The pelvic swing is possible in any position. When we use it during sex in pairs, we experience how wonderful it is to be able to determine movement, speed and quality of touch ourselves.
The pelvic swing is taught and practiced during the training “The Jade Gate”. The instructions are also available for download on Nhangas homepage (German).
Pleasure and Orgasm Training through Self-love
Many women and men always touch each other in the same way, the way it works fastest. We seldomly try other possibilities. I now invite you to an exercise that builds up and maintains more lust energy in the body. We imagine that there is a vessel for sexual energy in our body. This vessel can be expanded to allow more lust energy to fit in. More lust energy means more complete and intense orgasms.
Create a sensual and undisturbed space in which you feel good. Then start to get aroused. Use what you like: your fingers, dildo or vibrator, your imagination or the shower head. Use the pelvic swing if it is familiar to you. Enjoy yourself in your lust. If the excitement increases, let your breath also increase. Allow yourself to sigh and moan. When the orgasm approaches, go as far as you can without discharging. Shortly before orgasm, stop, relax and let the wave of pleasure flatten out a bit. After a little while, start to enjoy and arouse again – again to the edge of orgasm. You stop again, calm down a bit and ride a third wave of pleasure. And only at the fourth wave you allow the full orgasm. You will experience how much more powerful, blissful and nourishing this orgasm feels.
Also from this exercise you will only get the full benefit if you do it regularly for a while. Some schools recommend a rhythm of three times a week for a period of three months. You can of course vary and try out how many waves you want to ride before allowing the orgasm to flow through your whole being and flood you.
Self-love in Partnership
Even in a two-person relationship, “self-enjoyment” can be a wonderful way to get to know your partner even more intimately, when both are watching each other make love to themselves. In Tantra there is the method of witnessing. This means “to be a witness”. The active partner stimulates himself, brings himself into lust and excitement. This can go as far as orgasm, but does not have to. The passive partner sits very calmly close to it, remains silent and does not intervene. He is a silent, unintentional, present witness. After an agreed time of about 30-45 minutes, the partners change. Through Witnessing, shame and secrecy can be gradually reduced. It deepens the intimacy in the couple’s relationship, and the respective witness learns by watching how he or she can touch the partner even better.
About the Author
Inari Helga Hanel, born 1955, women’s masseuse, HP Psych., DGAM-lecturer for sexual culture, offers dynamic women’s massage/yoni massage and sexual coaching in the Passau area.
Since 2008 she has been working as a freelancer for the training in women’s massage and sexual coaching “Das Perlentor” (directed by Nhanga Ch. Grunow). (German)
Since January 2020 Inari and Nhanga have been leading together the intensive course in body oriented sexual coaching “Das Jadetor” (German).